Warning, this post contains adult content.
No matter how beautiful, amazing, or smart a child is, they
will grow up. In what seems like the
blink of an eye, a small child grows and ages until they become teenagers
(screaming in your head “oh, no, not teenagers”).
Suddenly, your wish that your child had experiences like a
child without a disability will come true.
They will become a hormonal, moody, grumpy, irritable mess. Also, you child will respond physically in
more adult, hormone driven ways. They
will experience all the discomfort of growing older. It is now that they need your assistance the
most.
Most of us, when our body started to change, wanted to hide
as our body responded to the opposite sex outside our control. I remember panicking that everyone knew I was
having my period and young boys that I knew struggled to hide any physical
reaction becoming masters of the well placed book, backpack, or hat. Not all children want to hide. For some children, they want help and will
seek to understand what is happening to their body. We need to teach them to ask us questions in
private. We need to teach them not to share or show anyone else while at the
same time, helping them understand the new hair, smells, and physical reactions
are normal. Despite your discomfort,
your child will need factual information and guidance. They need to know, what
to do, when to do it, and where. Teach
your child specifically about new routines such as: how to adapt daily hygiene,
including the addition of deodorant, pimple cream or skin treatment, or the use
of feminine products. Let them know that
they can explore the new shape and curves of their body, which is normal, but
that it is a bathroom or bedroom activity when you are home, not at school, the
mall, or with friends. Teach them that
they can like boys or girls, but how to greet or talk to those you find
attractive appropriately.
Yikes! Finding
someone attractive means they may want to date!!!
Yes, they may want to date and that is a fantastic, scary,
and typical reaction to finding someone attractive. Dating is normal, explaining and preparing
for the date is the difference for an individual with a cognitive delay. I realize that some people would rather an
individual with a cognitive delay or developmental delay never date, but I do
not believe that is a fair thing to wish.
As scary and difficult as dating was, it is also empowering, exciting,
and the path to finding your best friend, mate, and partner. I want each child I know to grow up, date,
fall in love, and find someone they love and care for who loves and cares for
them.
Yes, that includes kissing, and hopefully, when in love and
older, sex. Prepare your child to love themselves
so they can love another. Teach your
child that kissing is okay with someone you know and who respects you. Teach your child about sex, and support and
love them while they look for that special love that can lead to a healthy,
typical, sexual relationship.
Puberty, hormones, kissing, love and sex are a natural and
normal part of life. We should celebrate
when the ”typical” life we have hoped for becomes a reality for those we love,
whether or not they have a disability.
While the conversation may be taboo, growing up isn’t.
