That’s What It's All About

As a Special Education teacher I spend my days planning, teaching, and advocating for a future.  Not my future, the future of my students.  We all talk about, “one day when they are older” or “when they go to  high school” but do we really think about what we want.  I know, you are saying, yes, I think about the students job and living arrangement.  Their social group and how their family will support them.   But do we consider the little things, the moments that we all remember from our high school days but see as small moments.  I have to say, that I forgot the little things. 

Or at least I did until a young man, whom I have been fortunate enough to have in my life the past 12 years reminded me what really mattered.  He is an amazing young man who happens to use an augmentative communication device and wheelchair.  But please, remember, he is a young man.  He has crushes on girls, passions, and hopes just like everyone.  One of his hopes was fulfilled by a cousin who saw what I didn’t;  the little things matter.

reproduced with permission from their mom's and the young woman

Yes, I am talking about prom.  He went to prom, complete with two beautiful dates who danced with him and enjoyed it along side him.  His younger brother fit his chair with a camera and he shared the expeience later with his family in film as using the talker is more tedious.  At one point, as the juniors and seniors all circled around while individuals danced in and out of the circle, the young man’s classmates made room and had him join the center for his few seconds of dance solo.  Yes, one night of prom matters, and to a young junior, it is a highlight.  Prom wasn’t a single night.  No, it was a lifetime of memory.  I will always be grateful that he was my teacher as to how to plan what matters most in a person’s life.  I will carry this lesson with me the next time I start a sentence with “One day….”

Thanks, all three of you!!!

Children

I am a teacher but not a parent.  I have had the luxury of learning from children and parents through our conversations, shared moments and by observing and have noticed a few things.

When you have a child with a disability, you can't just go to a neighborhood bar-b-que and leave with insight as to how to be a better parent, stop tantrum, or hide vegetables in their dinner.  In fact, the very act of going to the bar-b-que is a stress.  How will my child react?  Will they have any of the 5 foods my child is currently eating?  What if they play a song on the radio that causes a tantrum?  How will I change their diaper at someone else's house?  Will there be any people at the party that haven't met my child?

I don’t have the answers.  I don’t have a quick and handy phrase you can say to those who don’t understand.  But maybe, parenting has more similarities than we originally thought.

Children can try your patience, make you laugh, keep you up at night, occupy your heart and worries, make you dream, hope, and believe.  They can capture us with a smile, a breath, a tiny moment.  They can also push us to a point of tears and frustration and we try to give them comfort and love only to have them still crying and upset.  You hear of parents who are so stressed and frustrated that they hurt their own child in ways we can not fathom or ignore them to avoid hurting them.  We also hear of parents who make sacrifices of food, water, safety, and security; sacrifices that most of us will never be faced with, for the love of their child.

A child with a disability is no different in that regard.  They will challenge their parents in ways that aren't found in popular parenting books.  These parents will laugh and cry, celebrate and worry, just as all parents around them.